Where is the weirdest place you have ever.......

Where is the weirdest place you have ever heard of someone delivering their baby?

We've all read the many news articles of deliveries in taxis, gas station bathrooms, the side of a road in a blizzard...I could go on and on.

One of my favorite memories of a delivery came in an odd spot. I worked with a wonderful Certified Nurse Midwife whose primary focus for deliveries was working with moms and dads to make their deliveries personal and meeting their needs. So, with her, we delivered over toilets, in the shower, standing, on a ball in a shower: whatever worked safely and effectively for the family. I was used to variety for deliveries.

One particular night I had a Hispanic mom. I've prided myself on knowing enough Spanish to get these women talked to and through delivering their babies. This woman has pooping issues. Good God. Yes, women poop when pushing, during labor, when the head comes out. Really, it's no big deal. We all poop, many poop during birth. But this one...I was wiping her bum every 2 minutes with contractions. And she wasn't pushing. This, honestly, went on for over 2 hours. I had to have gone through 50 wash cloths. My nose was ready to poop out it's own turd from the particles I was inhaling. But, I made no indications this was an issue for me. I was here to take care of her and assist her through her labor.

She was stuck at 9 cm for those 2 hours. We were in every position possible: sitting, laying. on the right side, on the left side, on the ball, on the toilet, in the shower, in the stirrups, playing tug-of-war with a sheet, standing, walking, bending. You get the idea. We were both frustrated with her lack of progress, of course, her much more than I. But, wow, she was a (pooper) trooper.

I found myself standing at the side of the bed with her. Encouraging, rubbing her back, wiping her butt, reminding her she was muy circa...very close. See...I can speak Spanish. She then dropped to her knees on the floor. Uhhhh, what the??? Ummm, come on. Get up. Crap. Don't know that in Spanish. Now she's on her knees with her head on the floor, butt nestled on her feet. She's exhausted. I called the doctor to come for the delivery. I was anticipating needing mechanical assistance for this be it a vacuum or forceps.

Meanwhile, back on the floor, me and the poop. Somehow with her grunting, maneuvering her body with the contractions and efforts, we have now found ourselves UNDER the bed. Ummm, this isn't gonna work. Again, the Spanish isn't working for me to get her up. Here comes the pushing.  Ugh. I'm on my knees, under the bed now leaning with my face in her booty trying to see what's going on. Here comes the head. I've delivered  quite a few kids without the doctor present, but not under a bed and backwards and unable to communicate. I'm pulling on the neck trying to get this baby out and it's not happening. I'm sweating. I might poop soon too!! Light tap at the door. Here walks in the doc. I hear a giggle. "What are you doing down there Robyn?" She and I are realllllly struggling to get this kid out. I muster out, "You get your ass down here and get this kid out!!" So the Under-the-bed Duo is now the Under-the-bed Trio. He pulls more aggressively and we have a baby.

He gave me so much crap (that word still plagues me) for years to come. And of course, I had to re-enact it more than 10 times for my cohorts. I did the replay so many times one night I got carpet burn on my elbow mimicking the slide under the bed.

Good times.